Well, Lately I Been Noticin' A Gradual Escalation,
In Your Inability To Handle Your Libation.
Go Zero To Sixty,
When You Get On The Whiskey.

Well, Used To Be A Glass Of Wine An' You'd Be Fine All Evenin'.
Now I'm The One Who Says: "We're Done," An' Tells Us When We're Leavin'.
Well, I Miss The Way That It Was,
Can't Even Catch The Good Bars.

'Cause I Keep Worryin' About Who's Drivin' Home,
Who's Got The Keys, Who's Got The 'phone.
Who'll Pay The Bill, Call A Cab.
I Don't Mean To Make You Mad,
But I Don't Want That Responsibility,
An' I Can't Be With A Woman, Baby, Who Gets Drunker Than Me.

Well, I Never Thought It'd Come To This When I Said: "Have Another."
'Cause, Baby, You Turned Into Me, An' I Became My Mother.
Well, Here's What I'm Thinkin':
You're Interferin' With My Drinkin'.

I Think I Have An Answer To Our Present Situation,
'Cause You An' Me Out On The Town's Got Built In Limitations.
So Let Me Make This Clear:
Hey I'm The One Who's Drinkin' Here.

'Cause I Ain't Worryin' About Who's Drivin' Home,
Who's Got The Keys, Who's Got The 'phone.
Who'll Pay The Bill, Call A Cab.
I Don't Mean To Make You Mad,
But I Don't Want That Responsibility,
An' I Can't Be With A Woman, Baby, Who Gets Drunker Than Me.

I Ain't Tryin' To Ruin Your Good Time.
But I Damn Sure Ain't Lettin' Yours Ruin Mine.
You Ain't Gonna Ruin My Good Time, Baby.

I Keep Worryin' About Who's Drivin' Home,
Who's Got The Keys, Who's Got The 'phone.
Who'll Pay The Bill, Call A Cab.
I Don't Mean To Make You Mad,
But I Don't Want That Responsibility,
An' I Can't Be With A Woman, Baby, Who Gets Drunker Than Me.
No, I Can't Be With A Woman, Baby, Who Gets Drunker Than Me, Yeah.