By Townes Van Zandt



Well, I Ain't Very Big For Twentyone

And It Seems I Never Could Have Any Good Clean Fun

Cause Every Time I'd Go Outside Some Great Big Bully'd Come Along

He'd Hit Me In The Face And He'd Knock To The Ground

And He'd Start Kickin' Me All Around

And That Ain't Exactly Fair, Friends, That's Wrong.



So I Got Me A Paper The Other Night

And I Crawled Up On The Sofa And I Turned On The Light

And Flipped Through The Pages Till I Found The Classified Ads.

Said, "take Karate From Lee Hung Chow;

Man, Make Your First Appointment Now

This Course Is Guaranteed To Make You Bad."



Well, The Next Day I Drove To The Address

By Japanese Design I Was Really Impressed

It Looked Like A Regular House Of The Rising Sun.

I Walked Inside, I Was All Alone

I Had A Nervous Feeling Down In My Bones

I Was Kind Of Sorry I'd Ever Even Come.



Then A Giant Jap Came Through The Door

He Must Have Been About Seven Foot Four

And He Looked Like He's Prone To Easy Aggrevation.

He Said, "Lee Hung Chow, Ah Kee Dung"

That's Japanese For Fee Fie Foo Fum

I Tried To Explain My Entire Situation.



He Said, "Number One Course, Yankee, Self Defence,

Twohundred Dollars And Twentyfive Cents";

I Said "What's The Twentyfive Cents For?" And He Said, "Repairs."

I Said, "Repairs To What?", And He Said "To You"

And I Thought To Myself "Man, That Won't Do"

Felt About A Half Inch Tall Under That Ol' Slender Stare



Ah, You Think He Was Yellow...



I Said, "I Believe I Better Go Check Another Place"

He Said, "Ha So, Yankee Don't Like My Race"

I Said, "Now, There's A Mistake, Man, And That's True;

I've Been For You You Japanese All Along

You Japanese Just Can't Do No Wrong

And I Thought You Got Mighty Dirty Deal In World War II."