(B: Bob D: Doug C: Chorus)

B: OK, Good Day.This Is Our Christmas Part Of The Album.You Can Play This
At Your Christmas Parties, Or To Yourself On Christmas Eve, If There's
Nothin' Else To Do.
D: Good Day, Eh?In Case You Thought, Like, I Wasn't On This Part.
B: Oh, I Guarantee Ya You'd Be On.OK, So Good Day.This Is The Christmas
Part, And We're Gonna Tell Ya What To Get..um...your True Love For
Christmas.
D: Look Out The Window!
B: Where? (chuckle) What Are Ya Doin'?!?
D: Snow, Hosehead!
B: Well, Oh, It's The Great White North, And It's Snowing 'cause It's
Christmastime.Hey, Hoser!
D: What?
B: Here's A Quiz. (chuckle) Quiz For Doug...
D: OK, I Have My "thinking Touque" On.
B: Yeah, Right.What Are The "Twelve Days Of Christmas"? 'Cause, Figure It
Out, Right?Christmas Is When?
D: Um, The Twenty-fifth...
B: Right.And, What's The Twenty-fourth...Christmas Eve, Right?So..
D: That's Two
B: That's Two.And, Then What's After That? (pause) Boxing Day
D: Wrestling Day
B: Wrestl..get Out!
D: Boxing Day, Yeah, Yeah.
B: That's Three.Then, What's After That?Nothin'!
D: New Year's!
B: Four And What's...
D: New Year's Eve?
B: That's Five.Where Do Ya Get Twelve?
D: Uh, There's Two Saturdays And Sundays In There;that's Four.So, That's
Nine.And Three Other Days Which, I Believe, Are The "mystery" Days.
(Music Starts)
B: OK, This Our Christmas Song, Just In Case You Don't Know What To Get
Someone For Christmas.
D: There's Lots Of Ideas In Here, So Listen And Don't Get Stuck! (organ
Starts) By The Way, That's ME On The Organ.
B: Oh, Geez.
D: You Start...
B: OK...

On The First Day Of Christmas, My True Love Gave To Me,
A Beer.

D: On The Second Day Of Christmas, My True Love Gave To Me,
Two Turtle-necks
B: And A Beer.

On The Third Day Of Christmas, My True Love Gave To Me,
Three French Toast
D: Two Turtle-necks
B: And A Beer.
D: There Should Be More There, Eh?
B: Where?Oh, Go!

D: Fourth Day Of Christmas, My True Love Gave To Me,
Four Pounds Of Back-bacon
B: Three French Toast
D: Two Turtle-necks
B: And A Beer.
D: ...in A Tree.See, You Need More.

B: Oh..fifth Day Of Christmas, My True Love Gave To Me,
Five Golden Tooks,
D: Four Pound Of Back-bacon
B: Three French Toast
D: Two Turtle Necks
B: And A Beer...where?
D: (with Bob) In A Tree.

B: OK, On The Sixth...oo, Go!
D: ..Christmas, My True Love Gave To Me,
C: Six...
D: Six Packs Of Two-four
B & C: Five Golden Tooks
C: Four...
D: Four Pounds Of Back-bacon
C: Three...
B: Three French Toast
C: Two...
D: Two Turtle-necks
C: And A Beeeeeeeeer...
B: And A Beer (with Doug) In A Tree. OK.

On The Seventh Day Of Christmas, My True Love Gave To Me,
Seven Pack Of Smokes,
C: Nice Gift!
D: Nice Gift.Oh...six Packs Of Two-four
B & C: Five Golden Tooks.
C: Four...
D: Four Pounds Of Back-bacon
C: Three...
B: Three French Toast
C: Two...
D: Two Turtle-necks
C: And A Beeeeeeeeer...
B: And A Beer (with Doug) In A Tree.Keep Forgetting.
D: Whew!This Should Just Be The "Two Days Of Christmas";it's Too Hard For
Us!Go, Hoser.

B & D: On The Eighth Day Of Christmas, May True Love Gave To Me,
D: Eight Comic Books
(Chorus Repeats Right Behind Them, Though One Behind)
B & D: Seven Packs Of Smokes
Six Pack Of Two-four
B: Five...
C: (catches Up) Five Golden Tooks
Four Pounds Of Back-bacon
Three French Toast
Two Turtle-necks
ALL: And A Beer...
B & D: On My Tree.
B: Yeah, That Beer Is Empty.OK, Day, Um...
C: TWELVE!
B: Twelve!
D: Good Day, And Welcome To Day Twelve..
(Chorus Starts Up And Bob And Doug Join In)
ALL: Five Golden Tooks
Four Pounds Of Back-bacon,
Three French Toast
Two Turtle-necks
And A Beer In A Treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
D: Where'd You Learn To Do That?
B: Um, Albums.
D: So, Like, That's Our Song.Merry Christmas...
B: Merry Christmas!
D: And Good Day!
B: Good Day!Ha-happy New Year, Too.
D: Shhh!
B: OK, You Know What You Left Out?
D: What?
B: Donuts!
D: Oh, No!
B: I Told You To Get Donuts.Either On The Ninth Day, Or The Tenth Day Or
The Eleventh Day, But I Want Donuts!
D: OK, The Song's Over!Merry Christmas, Everybody!
B: ...or, On The Twelfth Day, You Could've Got Me A DOZEN Donuts...
D: So,..go Out To The Stores And Get Some Presents!
B: You Could've Gone Down, To, Like, The Good Donut Shops Where You Buy A
Dozen, You Get Another One Free, And Then It'd Be Thirteen For The
"Thirteen Days Of Christmas"!
D: Next Christmas, You Can Get Me A Chain-saw!
B: Take Off!
(As Music Fades:)
D: Boy, That Song Was A Beauty.It...it Moved Me.
B: Yeah, I Think It Ranks Up There With "Stairway To Heaven".
D: What?