It's Hard To Be A Jew On Christmas
My Friends Won't Let Me Join In Any Games..
And I Can't Sing Christmas Songs
Or Decorate A Christmas Tree..
Or Leave Water Out For Rudolph
Cos There's Something Wrong With Me..
My People Don't Believe In Jesus Christ's Divinity..
I'm A Jew, A Lonely Jew.. On Christmas.

Hanukkah Is Nice, But Why Is It,
That Santa Passes Over My House Every Year?
And Instead Of Eating Ham
I Have To Eat Kosher LATKEES..
Instead Of Silent Night
I'm Singing Hou-hazch-tou-gavish..
And What The Fuck Is Up
With Lighting All These Fucking Candles, Tell Me Please?
I'm A Jew, A Lonely Jew..
I Can't Be Merry, Cos I'm Hebrew.. On Christmas

Hey Little Boy, I Can't Help But Hear,
You're Feeling Left Out Of Christmas Cheer..
But I've Come To See That You Shouldn't Be Sad
'Cos This Is The One Month That You Shoud Be Glad..

Because It's Nice To Be A Jew On Christmas
You Don't Have To Deal With The Season At All..
You Don't Have To Be On Your Best Behaviour, Or Give To Charity
You Don't Have To Go To Grandma's House With Your Alcoholic Family..
And I Don't Have To Sit On Some Fake Santa's Lap
And Have Him Breathe His Stinky Breath On Me!
That's Right! You're A Jew, A Stylin' Jew..
It's A Good Time, To Be Hebrew.. On Christmas.