(Dialogue From "Female Trouble," Between Edith Massey And Michael Potter)
Aunt Ida Nelson: "Have You Met Any Nice Boys In The Swan?"
Gator: "Oh, Pretty Nice."
Aunt Ida: "I Mean Any Nice Queer Boys. Did You Fool With Any Of Them?
Gator: "Aunt Ida, You Know I Dig Women."
Aunt Ida: "Aw, Don't Tell Me That."
Gator: "Christ, Let's Not Go Through This Again."
Aunt Ida: "All Those Beauticans, And You Don't Have Any Boy Dates?"
Gator: "I Don't Want Any Boy Dates."
Aunt Ida: "Oh Honey, I'd Be So Happy If You Turned Nally."
Gator: "Hey, No Way. I'm Straight. I Mean I Like A Lot Of Queers, But I Don't Dig Their Equipment, Y'know? I Like Women."
Aunt Ida: "But You Can Change. Queers Are Just Better. I'd Be So Proud If You Was A Fag, And Had A Nice Beautician Boyfriend. I'd Never Have To Worry."
Gator: "There Ain't Nothing To Worry About."
Aunt Ida: "I'm Worried That You'll Work In An Office, Get Married, Have Children, Celebrate Wedding Anniversaries. The World Of Heterosexuals Is A Sick And Boring Life."
Gator: "Sometimes I Think You're Fucking Crazy. I'm Real Happy Just The Way I Am."



People Are Telling Me That I'm Missing Out On The Fun.
' Cause I Don't Go Anywhere, And I Don't Meet Anyone.
But I Know How Rumors Fly.
When You're A Lonely Guy.
And I'm Here To Tell You It's A Lie.

There's Stange Things Going On At Night Most Everywhere.
You Know Those Places, Well You'll Never See Me There.
I Walk By Other Men.
And I Don't Notice Them.
But Then Those Rumors Start Again.

So I'm Gonna Tell The World.
I Don't Wanna Be A Homosexual.
I'm Gonna Find A Girl.
'Cause I Don't Wanna Be A Homosexual.
I Guess That It's Okay.
If Other Guys Are Gay.
But My Hormones Are One-directional.
And I Don't Wanna Be A Homosexual.


Somebody Tell Me What I Did To Start This Talk.
Is It The Way I Look? Is It The Way I Walk?
Is It The Clothes I Wear,
That Make The People Stare?
Is It The Way I Comb My Hair?

I'm Only Hoping Maybe There Will Come A Day
When I Can Make Them Understand That I'm Not Gay.
But 'till That Day Is Near,
Iguess I'll Live In Fear.
And I Curse The Day I Pierce My Ear.



There's Nothing Wrong With Me.
I Don't Wanna Be A Homosexual.
Know What I Want To Be.
And I Don't Wanna Be A Homosexual.
Soft Boys And Closet Queens,
Think Judy Garland's Keen.
But I Don't Think She's Nothing Special.
And I Don't Wanna Be A Homosexual.


(instrumental Break)



So Now I'm Wondering If Maybe They're Not Right.
'Cause I've Gone All Paranoid And I Can't Sleep At Night.
I Went To See The Shrink.
What Did The Doctor Think?
I Swear To God I Saw Him Wink.


I Pray To God I'm Wrong
I Don't Wanna Be A Homosexual.
Why Did I Write This Song
If I Don't Wanna Be A Homosexual?
I Hope It's Not Too Late,
For Them To Set Me Straight.
I've Got To See A Real Professional.
'Cause I Don't Wanna Be A Homosexual, No!
No No No No. No No No No No No No.



I Don't Wanna Be, I Don't Wanna Be
I Don't Wanna Be A Homosexual.
(repaeated In Background)


I Don't Wanna Go With Guys Named Shamus.
I Don't Wanna Be Rich And Famous.
I Don't Wanna Go To A French Art Festival
And I Don't Wanna Be A Homosexual.