Let Me Tell You All A Story 'bout A Girl Named Lonesome Joan
When She Was Three She Thought She'd Try To Tie Her Shoe
Her Momma Said, "I'll Show You How!"
She Pushed Her Mom Aside
"I'll Do It Alone," Said Lonesome Joan
And Her Laces Stayed Untied

Oh, Lonesome Joan, Lonesome Joan
Felt She Had To Do Everything Alone
She Said, "I Don't Need No Help, I Can Do It By Myself"
Oh, Lonesome, Lonesome Joan

Well, She Got A Little Older -- Thought She'd Learn To Read And Write
Her Teacher Tried To Help Her
Joan Yelled, "Get Out Of My Sight!"
So She Never Learned To Write Her Name Or Even Read A Book
And All Alone She Never Learned To Swim Or Skate Or Count Or Cook

Oh, Lonesome Joan, Lonesome Joan
Felt She Had To Do Everything Alone
She Said, "I Don't Need No Help, I Can Do It By Myself"
Oh, Lonesome, Lonesome Joan

Well, Time Went By And Joan Grew Old As People Sometimes Will
When Joan Was 81 Years Old, She Met A Girl Named Lil
Lil Said, "Joan, It's Just Ridiculous The Things That You Can't Do!
Joan, You're An 80 Year Old Woman -- Time You Learn To Tie Your Shoe!"

Oh, Lonesome, Lonesome Joan
You Don't Have To Do Everything Alone
You Can Use A Little Help
Don't Have To Do It By Yourself
Oh, Lonesome, Lonesome Joan

So Lil Taught Joan To Read And Write And Tie Her Shoe And More
And Joan Lived To The Happy Age Of A Hundred And Forty Four
So Be Sure You Learned A Lesson
From That Old Girl, Lonesome Joan
When You're Trying For The First Time,
You Don't Have To Try Alone

Oh, Lonesome Joan, Lonesome Joan
You Don't Have To Do Everything Alone
You Can Use A Little Help
Don't Have To Do It By Yourself
Oh, Lonesome, Lonesome Joan
Oh, Lonesome, Lonesome Joan

Yippie Tie Yie, Pardners!