The Biggest Laugh To Be Had In Town
Is Down At Monty's
The Paint Is Drying On The Skirting Board
The Place Is Empty

I Use The Submarine Ashtray
So It Feels Wanted
Nicotine Stains Will Once Again
Coat Walls At Monty's

But What Is This Apologetic Fanfare?
I Hope There's Life After Death

Backstage At The Aftermath
The Manager's Pat
In Two Years From Now
Who Knows Where You're At

The Jokes Are Hanging Saliva
Off His Spent Mouth
His Lines On Public Lips
North West And East And South

The Biggest Laugh To Be Had In Town
Was Down At Monty's
The Paint's Dried And It's Curling Up
The Joint Lies Empty