Hey, I'm Feeling So Dirty, You're Looking So Clean
All You Can Give Is A Spin In Your Washing Machine
I Fly Off To Rome To My Prima Bella
She Leaves Me In The Rain With Telescopic Umbrella
Ooh The Pain - Modern Love Can Be A Strain

I Trusted My Venus Was Untouched In Her Shell
But The Pearls In Her Oyster Were Tacky As Hell
For Lady Godiva I Came Incognito
But Her Driver Had Stolen Her Red Hot Magneto
Ooh The Pain - Modern Love Can Be A Strain

I Don't Know Why They Leave Me In The Lurch
To Carry On The Search
It's Driving Me Up The Wall
Pity When I Have So Much Passion
Romance Is Out Of Fashion
Can't Handle Modern Love At All

So I Worship Diana By The Light Of The Moon
When I Pull Out My Pipe She Screams Out Of Tune
In Paris My Heart Sinks When I See The Mona Lisa
She Gives Me The Wink, Then She Shows Me The Freezer
Ooh The Pain - Modern Love Can Be A Strain