She Climbs A Tree And Scrapes Her Knee
Her Dress Has Got A Tear
She Waltzes On Her Way To Mass
And Whistles On The Stair
And Underneath Her Wimple
She Has Curlers In Her Hair
I Even Heard Her Singing In The Abbey

She's Always Late For Chapel
But Her Penitence Is Real
She's Always Late For Everything
Except For Every Meal
I Hate To Have To Say It
But I Very Firmly Feel
Maria's Not An Asset To The Abbey

I'd Like To Say A Word In Her Behalf
Maria Makes Me Laugh

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?
How Do You Catch A Cloud And Pin It Down?
How Do You Find A Word That Means Maria?
A Flibbertijibbet! A Will-o'-the Wisp! A Clown!

Many A Thing You Know You'd Like To Tell Her
Many A Thing She Ought To Understand
But How Do You Make Her Stay
And Listen To All You Say
How Do You Keep A Wave Upon The Sand

Oh, How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?
How Do You Hold A Moonbeam In Your Hand?

When I'm With Her I'm Confused
Out Of Focus And Bemused
And I Never Know Exactly Where I Am
Unpredictable As Weather
She's As Flighty As A Feather
She's A Darling! She's A Demon! She's A Lamb!

She'd Outpester Any Pest
Drive A Hornet From Its Nest
She Could Throw A Whirling Dervish Out Of Whirl
She Is Gentle! She Is Wild!
She's A Riddle! She's A Child!
She's A Headache! She's An Angel!
She's A Girl!

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?
How Do You Catch A Cloud And Pin It Down?
How Do You Find A Word That Means Maria?
A Flibbertijibbet! A Will-o'-the Wisp! A Clown!

Many A Thing You Know You'd Like To Tell Her
Many A Thing She Ought To Understand
But How Do You Make Her Stay
And Listen To All You Say
How Do You Keep A Wave Upon The Sand

Oh, How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?
How Do You Hold A Moonbeam In Your Hand?