She Broke Up With Me,

Two Days Later

I Think She Met

Her Don Juan In Italy

She Has A New Man,

I Have A New Mustache

Now All My Friends

Are Gonna Call Me Mountain Man

And Everyone Will Think

That I'm A Stupid Drifter

To Walk The Earth Alone,

I'll Never Shave Again

On The Night She Left Me,

Facial Hair Grew Miraculously

I Dressed In Black Like Johnny Cash,

And Grew This Beard Of Shame

I've Heard It Said She Looks A Lot Like,

Sherilyn Fenn

And Sometimes I'm Mistaken For,

Billy Gibbons

I May Appear Wise, But I'm An Idiot

It's Over, She Left Me,

And She Will Soon Forget Me

She Found Out I Was Lame,

I Grew A Beard Of Shame

Come All Be Faithful, Joyful And Triumphant

I Am A New Man, I Have A Beard Of Shame