Strap Them Kids In
Give 'em A Little Bit Of Vodka In A Cherry Coke
We're Going To Oklahoma To The Family Reunion For The First Time In Years

It's Up At Uncle Slayton's Cause He's Getting On In Years
You Know He No Longer Travels But He's Still Pretty Spry
He's Not Much On Talking And He's Just Too Mean To Die
And They'll Be Comin' Down From Kansas
And From West Arkansas
It'll Be One Great Big Old Party Like You Never Saw

Uncle Slayton's Got His Texan Pride
Back In The Thickets With His Asian Bride
He's Got A Airstream Trailer And A Holstein Cow
He Still Makes Whiskey 'cause He Still Knows How
He Plats That Choctaw Bingo Every Friday Night
You Know He Had To Leave Texas But He Won't Say Why
He Owns A Quarter Section Up By Lake Eufala
Caught A Great Big Ol' Blue Cat On A Driftin' Jug Line
Sells His Hardwood Timber To The Shipping Mill
Cooks That Crystal Meth Because The Shine Don't Sell
He Cooks That Crystal Meth Because The Shine Don't Sell
You Know He Likes His Money He Don't Mind The Smell

My Cousin Roscoe
Slayton's Oldest Boy From His Second Marriage Up In Illinois
He Was Raised In East St. Louis By His Momma's People
Where They Do Things Different
Thought He'd Just Come On Down
He Was Going To Dallas Texas In A Semi Truck
Called From That Big McDonald's
You Know The One They Built Up On That Great Big Ol' Bridge
Across The Will Rogers Turnpike
Took The Big Cabin Exit Stopped And Bought A Couple Of Cartons Of Cigarettes
At That Indian Smoke Shop With The Big Neon Smoke Rings
In The Cherokee Nation Hit Muskogee Late That Night
Somebody Ran A Stoplight At The Shawnee Bypass
Roscoe Tried To Miss 'em But He Didn't Quite

Bob And Mae Come Up From Little Town
Way Down By Lake Texoma Where He Coaches Football
They Were II-A Champions Now For Two Years Running
But He Says They Won't Be This Year No They Won't Be This Year
And He Stopped Off In Tushka At That "Pop's Knife And Gun" Place
Bought A SKS Rifle And A Couple A Full Cases Of That Steel Core Ammo
With The Berdan Primers From Some East Bloc Nation That No Longer Needs 'em
And A Desert Eagle That's One Great Big Ol' Pistol
I Mean .50 Caliber Made By Badass Hebrews
And Some Surplus Tracers For That Old BAR Of Slayton's
Soon As It Gets Dark We're Gonna Have Us A Time
We're Gonna Have Us A Time

Ruth Ann And Lynn Come Down From Baxter Springs
And That's One Hell Raisin' Town Way Up In Southeastern Kansas
Got A Biker Bar Next To The Lingerie Store
That's Got Them Rolling Stones Lips Up There Where Everyone Can See 'em
And They Burn All Night You Know They Burn All Night You Know They Burn All Night

Ruth Ann And Lynn They Wear Them Cut Off Britches And Those Skinny Little Halters
And They're Second Cousins To Me
Man I Don't Care I Want To Get Between 'em
With A Great Big Ol' Hard On Like A Old Bois D' Arc Fence Post
You Could Hang A Pipe Rail Gate From
Do Some Sister Twisters 'til The Cows Come Home
And We'd Be Havin' Us A Time

Uncle Slayton's Got His Texan Pride
Back In The Thickets With His Asian Bride
He's Cut That Corner Pasture Into Acre Lots`
He Sells 'em Owner Financed
Strictly To Them That's Got No Kind Of Credit
'Cause He Knows They're Slackers
And They'll Miss That Payment
Then He Takes It Back
He Plays That Choctaw Bingo Every Friday Night
Drinks That Johnny Walker At That Club 69
We're Gonna Strap Them Kids In Give 'em A Little Bit O' Benadryl
And A Cherry Coke We're Goin' To Oklahoma
Gonna Have Us A Time.