I Stepped Into The Eye Of The Center Of Town
Just As The Sweet Sun Was Putting Her Head Down
With My Coin In My Pocket, I Went Looking To Buy A ClueWhat Else Is A Poor Boy Supposed To Do?
I Emptied My Wallet, My Head And My Shoes
Lord, I Believe I′ve Got The Workingman's Blues

I Walk Into The Barber Shop To Get Myself A Trim
The Barber Says Hello, There′s No One Here But Me And Him
He Asks How I'm Doing, I Say, "Fine, How 'bout You?"
He Says His Cat Just Died And His Rent Is Overdue
I Say, "I′m Sorry To Hear That, Can I Get You Anything Besides Good Fellowship?"
He Says, "No, That′s Alright My Friend, Well Maybe Just A Nice Tip"
He Sits Me Down In The Chair And Covers Me With The Dress
He Says, "What'll It Be?" I Say, "I Don′t Know" And He Says, "Guess"
I Say, "Well I Suppose Short In The Front, Long In The Back
And Maybe While You're At It, How ′bout Dying It Black"
He Says, "Good Idea, Your Roots Are Beginning To Show"
I Say, "That's News To Me" And He Says, "I Know"
He Grabs The Razor And Starts Going To Town
And Soon The Floor Is Covered With The Hair Falling Down
He Blows It With A Blowdryer And Says, "There, Now It′s Done"
I Look In The Mirror And See He's Given Me Princess Leia's Bun
"This Looks Like Crap," I Said, "What, Are You Out Of Your Mind?"
He Calmly Says, "Of Course Not Sir, I′m Just Legally Blind"
I Start To Leave When He Coughs, "So, About That Tip"
I Say, "When You Go Home, Watch Where You Step So You Don′t Trip"

A Man On The Street Approached Me For A Match
He Was Tall And Gangly With A Dangly Eye-patch
I Said, "It'll Cost You," He Said He Didn′t Have A Penny To His Name
I Shrugged And Plainly Told Him To Get Another Name
But I Handed Him A Match And He Nodded His Head
"You Come Here Often?" He Smiled As He Said
I Said, "I'm Always Around, I′m Either Here Or There"
He Smiled Then He Stopped, "Hey, What's Up With Your Hair?"
"It′s A Long Story," I Say, "Almost Took Up Half The Page"
He Understood And Reassured, "It Brings Down Your Age"
"Anyway," I Said, "I Should Be Heading Out Now"
"Oh Yeah?" He Wondered As He Raised His Brow
I Said, "Oh Yeah, I Got Places To Be"
He Said, "What Place Is Better Than Being Here With Me?"
I Said, "You Got A Point, But I Really Must Be Going"
He Grabbed Me By The Shoulders And His Tears Started Flowing
I Said, "Hey, What's The Matter?" As He Continued To Sob
He Said, "My Wife Left Me And I Lost My Job"
I Gave Him My Hankie And I Patted His Back
I Said, "Sorry For Your Loss, What's Your Next Plan Of Attack?"
He Said He Didn′t Want To Leave His Ex-wife Behind
I Said, "Chin Up Buddy, It′s All In Your Mind
Now Tell Me About It, Just What Did Occur?"
He Said, "Well She's A Tennis Player, So Love Meant Nothing To Her"
"And Your Job," I Said, "What Next? You Got Any Agents?"
He Said, "I Would′ve Been A Doctor But I Didn't Have Any Patients"
Well Just About Then, I Realized I Had No Patience Either
So I Told Him, "Just A Minute, I Need To Take A Breather"
And I Pointed To The Sky And Said, "Hey Look Over There!"
He Turned His Head And I Was Gone Like Thin Air

I′m Getting Pretty Hungry So I Step Into A Restaurant
The Waitress Comes Over But I Don't Know What I Want
Well Maybe I Do, But I′m Just Really Not Sure
There's Nobody Inside Except Me And Her
I Ask Her For A Menu, She Says, "You Shoulda Brought It"
I Say, "I'll Take Whatever You Got," She Says They Don′t Got It
Then She Stops And Says, "Hey Don′t I Know You?"
I Scramble Around Sayin', "Never Mind, What Do I Owe You?"
She Says, "Now I Remember, You′re That Hobo Bum
That My Boss Told Me Not To Serve A Single Crumb
You Robbed Us Clean Back Last October"
I Say, "Listen Lady, I Wasn't Sober"
But She Don′t Care, She Starts To Point
"I'll Give You Till Ten To Get Out Of This Joint"
But I Didn′t Move, I Stayed In My Seat
Shrugged My Shoulders And Tapped My Feet
For Sixty Seven Seconds She Stared At My Shoe
I Knew She Didn't Know What To Do
I Said, "Listen Lady, I Got A Ten And A Quarter
Now I Don't Want No Trouble, I Just Want To Order
I′ll Take Anything ′long As It Don't Got Mustard"
But I Could Tell She Was Getting Mighty Flustered
She Looks Around And Says, "I Think The Cook Called For My Help"
She Leaves And So Do I And I Give The Place Two Stars On Yelp

I Was Walking Along When I Came To A Fork In The Road
The Fork Stabbed My Foot, Now I′m Walking Two-toed
But The Night Was Soon Falling, I Needed Somewhere To Rest
I Mapped It To The Nearest Holiday Inn Express
I Burst Through The Door And Tumbled To The Front Desk
The Receptionist Twitched His Nose, Said, "Hey, You With The Burlesque?"
I Said, "No Sir, I'm Just A Poor Tired Man Who Needs To Rest His Head"
He Handed Me A Pillow, "Sweet Dreams," He Said
But I Reached In My Pocket, Took A Note Out Of My Coat
I Took Out A Pen And Said, "Sir, Are You Registered To Vote?"
To Avoid The Agony, He Just Handed Me The Key
"You′re Room 101," He Sighed, "Stay The Night For Free, No Fee"
Later On In My Room, I Couldn't Sleep And I Was Kinda Bored
And A Penny For My Thoughts Was Too Expensive To Afford
So I Switched The Clocks Forward And I Dusted My Broom
Called Down To Room Service And Said, "Send Up A Room"
The Maid Came In And She Made The Bed
Then She Messed It Back Up, "I′m An Unmaid," She Said
Then She Quickly Left Me With A Continental Lunch
I Called The Front Desk Saying, "I Asked For A Continental Brunch!"
He Said, "Listen Buddy, I'm Getting Pretty Tired
And I Just Decided Your Stay Has Expired"
I Hung Up The Phone And Threw It Through The Wall
Smashed The TV Too If I Recall
I Robbed The Mini Bar And Stole A Little Bar Of Soap
I Left Some Dirty Words In An Envelope
Proceeded To Rip Apart The Bedsheets For No Reason
And I Wrote Big On The Wall, "Long Live The Four Seasons"

"That's All I Remember Officer, It′s The Truth And Nothing But!
I Don′t Believe It'd Help If I Bought You Another Donut?"
Needless To Say, I Got No Help From The Police
So Now I Got Nothing To Do, Not Even Pray For My Release
And When You Got Nothing, You Got Nothing To Lose
And That′s A Day In The Life Of A Man With The Workingman's Blues