Jack Of All Trades Master Of None
Even Got Lost Trying To Find The M1
Ended Up In South Shields With A Couple Of Drunks

Moved To Crouch End Suburb Of Cool
Took A Few Drugs Acted The Fool
Fell In Love With A Girl On Her Harmonium Stool

Went Round The World In The Back Of A Van
We Kept In Touch With Our Only Fan
He Was Short And Sweet Lived In Japan

The Band Broke Up Round A Pool In Bangkok
To Tell You The Truth It Didn't Come As A Shock
Our Days Were Numbered Like Hands On A Clock

So We Carried On Me And The Serious Girl
Had Massive Hits All Round The World
We Got So Big We Both Became Ill

Flew Into London With A Bit Of A Tan
Caught The Train Back To Sunderland To See Me Old Man
We Had Bacon And Eggs From The Same Frying Pan

To Walk Down The High Street
Avoiding A Scrap
"are You Dave Stewart?"
"yeah"
:you're A Crap"
Had A Pint In The Beehive Then Home For A Nap

Got Married In France To An Irish Colleen
I Was Thirty Three She Was Only Thirteen
I Wore Orange But She Wore Green

Now I Sit And Write Plays For Myself And My Sons
They Keep Me Amused Yeah I Have Much More Fun
Than Big Lines Of Speed At Quarter To One
On A Peaceful Sunday Morning