If I Was Your Tv I'd Be Like "Look At Me"
If I Was A Shooting Star I'd Be Like "Peace!"
If I Was A Fat Bitches Thong I'd Be Like "Hell Naw!'
If I Was A Hotties Thong I'd Be Like "Awwww..."
If I Was A Cuss Word I'd Just Be Like "fuck"
If I Was A Rock On The Moon I'd Be Chillin' Like "Sup?"
If I Was A Butthole I'd Just Be An Exit
If I Was The D.O.C. I'd Be Like "man This Is Bullshit"
If I Was The Tires On Your Car I'd Be Like "NEEEAAAWWW"
If I Was The Bumper On Your Car I'd Be Like "Aww Fuck"
If I Was A Balloon I'd Be Like "pap"
If I Was Allysa Milano I'd Be Fucking Joe Bruce
If I Was A Radio DJ I'd Probably Say "the Point 103"
If I Was A Richy Ass Bitch I'd Be Like "umm...ok"
If I Was Spin Magazine I'd Put Me On The Cover And Be Like "fuck Us! And
I Won't Read This, Even Us Motherfucker!"
If I Was Your Mental Stress I'd Be Catching Up
If I Was Your Headaches Every Now And Then I'd Be Like "THONNNKK!!"
If I Was Your Tongue I'd Be Hating Your Teeth I'd Be Like "Man Why Do
You Try To Bite Me Every Time We Try To Eat?"
If I Was A Chair I'd Be Like "Sit Here"
If I Was Kid Rock I'd Cut My Feathered Wolf Hair
If I Was Your Muffler I'd Be Like "Shhh, Quietly"
If I Was A Price Tag I'd Be Like "You Ain't Buying Me"
If I Was A Fresh Ass DJ I'd Be Like [records Scratch]
If I Was Jam Master J I'd Be Like [records Scratch]
If I Was A Cheap Clock Radio I'd Be Like [static]
"Tune That Motherfucker In"
If I Was Barry White I'd Be Like "What Up Y'all?"
If I Was Nipple In The Cold I'd Be Like "Boing"
If I Was Your Dead Uncle I'd Be Like "....."
If I Was A Raindrop I'd Just Be Like "drip"
And If I Had An Ax To Your Neck I Might Say "CHOP!"

[Chorus]
If I Was, If I Was, But I'll Never Be
If I Was, If I Was, But I'll Never Be
If I Was, If I Was, But I'll Never Be
If I Was, If I Was, But I'll Never Be
If I Was, If I Was, But You're Killing Me
If I Was, If I Was. But You're Killing Me

If I Was A Faygo At One Of Our Shows, I'd Fly Through The Air Into And
Ocean Of Juggalos
If I Was Andre The Giant "This Is How I'd Be Talking"
If I Was Father MC I'd Be Like "Now What Happened?"
If I Was A Mirror, I'd Find Another Mirror
And Look Each Other Dead In The Eye, Crystal Clear
If I Was A Slider I'd Slide Out Your Butt
I'd Be Floatin' In Your Toilet Lookin' At You Like "What?"
If I Was A Pilot I'd Be Like "This Is Air Traffic Control"
If I Was John Denver I'd Be Like "Nooooooo!!!!"
If I Was A Switch I'd Be Like "Flick Me, Yoo-hoo"
If I Was A London Cop Car I'd Be Like "Wee-oop Wee-oop"
If I Was Chewbacca I'd Get A Fresh Ass Fade
If I Was Vanilla Ice I'd Be Like "Fuck Y'all. I'm Still Paid"
If I Was A Stop Sign I'd Just Be Like "Stop"
If I Was Your Wooden Leg I'd Still Be Giving You The Hip-hop
[Chorus}