Well, I Took Me A Woman Late Last Night,

I's Three-fourths Drunk, She Looked Uptight.

She Took Off Her Wheel, Took Off Her Bell,

Took Off Her Wig, Said, "How Do I Smell?"

I Hot-footed It . . . Bare-naked . . .

Out The Window!



Well, Sometimes I Might Get Drunk,

Walk Like A Duck And Stomp Like A Skunk.

Don't Hurt Me None, Don't Hurt My Pride

'Cause I Got My Little Lady Right By My Side.

(Right There

Proud As Can Be)



I's Out There Paintin' On The Old Woodshed

When A Can A Black Paint It Fell On My Head.

I Went Down To Scrub And Rub

But I Had To Sit In Back Of The Tub.

(Cost A Quarter

And I Had To Get Out Quick . . .

Someone Wanted To Come In And Take A Sauna)



Well, My Telephone Rang It Would Not Stop,

It's President Kennedy Callin' Me Up.

He Said, "My Friend, Bob, What Do We Need To Make The Country Grow?"

I Said, "My Friend, John, Brigitte Bardot,

Anita Ekberg,

Sophia Loren."

(Put 'em All In The Same Room With Ernest Borgnine!)



Well, I Got A Woman Sleeps On A Cot,

She Yells And Hollers And Squeals A Lot.

Licks My Face And Tickles My Ear,

Bends Me Over And Buys Me Beer.

(She's A Honeymooner

A June Crooner

A Spoon Feeder

And A Natural Leader)



Oh, There Ain't No Use In Me Workin' So Heavy,

I Got A Woman Who Works On The Levee.

Pumping That Water Up To Her Neck,

Every Week She Sends Me A Monthly Check.

(She's A Humdinger

Folk Singer

Dead Ringer

For A Thing-a-muh Jigger)



Late One Day In The Middle Of The Week,

Eyes Were Closed I Was Half Asleep.

I Chased Me A Woman Up The Hill,

Right In The Middle Of An Air Raid Drill.

It Was Little Bo Peep!

(I Jumped A Fallout Shelter

I Jumped A Bean Stalk

I Jumped A Ferris Wheel)



Now, The Man On The Stand He Wants My Vote,

He's A-runnin' For Office On The Ballot Note.

He's Out There Preachin' In Front Of The St