[Phone Rings]


Man: Hello, Palace.


Guido: G'day Mate, My Name Is Guido Hatzis, Right,


M: Yes?


G: And I Read In The Paper Today That The Queen Is Coming To


Australia Next Year.


M: Yes Yes, Where Are You Calling From?


G: Mate I Call From Australia. Now I'm Prepared To Let The


Old Lady Stay At My Place, Alright?


M: Err, Who Is This?


G: Mate It's Guido Hatzis, Alright?


M: Ahh, Where Are You From?


G: Mate I Told You Before Alright You Deaf Pommy Poof, Alright,


I'm From Australia, Alright?


M: I Beg Your Pardon? You Can't-


G: Nah, Nah Mate Listen To Me, Listen To Me, Alright?


M: You Can't Speak To Me Like That!


G: Nah I Will Speak To You Like That, Alright? I'm Ringing To


Tell You That The Queen Can Stay At My Place But Only On The


Couch Mate, Alright?


M: Err, I'm Fine? Look?


G: Nah, Nah Mate, Are You A Beefeater, Is That What You Are?


M: I Beg Your Pardon?


G: Mate Are You A Beefeater? 'Cos I Tell Ya, The Next Thing You'll


Eat Mate Is A Knuckle Sandwich From Me, Right?


M: Look, If You Have Any Specific Comments, I Can Write Them In


The Book And Pass Them On.


G: Nah, Nah, Mate, Write In The Book Alright, Write It Right Now,


You Are A Dick-head Pommy Poof, Alright, Can You Spell That?


M: I'm Sorry.


G: Nah, Nah, Mate I Am Sorry That I Speak To You, You're The


Dickhead Mate, You Need To Get Me The Queen On The Phone Now,


Alright?


M: I'm Sorry?


G: Yeah, You Say Sorry Alot Mate, I'd Be Sorry If I Had A Head


Like You Mate, Alright?


M: Listen, If You Have Any Specific Enquiries About The Royal Family-


G: Nah, Nah, Mate, I'll Start Again, Alright, Cause You're A Stupid


Pommy Poofter Alright, So What We Do, Right, The Queen, She Come


And Stay At My Place, Alright, Two Days A Week She Work At My


Nanna's Fish And Chip Shop, Alright?


M: (mumbling) Ridiculous.


G: Nah, Mate, Ridiculous? It Will Be, She Will Get The Sack If She


Steal Any Pickled Onions Alright?


M: I Don'