I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major-General,

I've Information Vegetable, Animal And Mineral;

I Know The Kings Of England, And I Quote The Fights Historical,

From Marathon To Waterloo, In Order Categorical;

I'm Very Well Acquainted Too With Matters Mathematical,

I Understand Equations, Both The Simple And Quadratical,

About Binomial Theorem I'm Teeming With A Lot O'news --

With Many Cheerful Facts About The Square Of The Hypotenuse.

I'm Very Good At Integral And Differential Calculus,

I Know The Scientific Names Of Beings Animalculous;

In Short, In Matters Vegetable, Animal And Mineral,

I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major-General.



I Know Our Mythic History, King Arthur's And Sir Caradoc's,

I Answer Hard Acrostics, I've A Pretty Taste For Paradox.

I Quote In Elegiacs All The Crimes Of Heliogabalus,

In Conics I Can Floor Peculiarities Parabolus.

I Can Tell Undoubted Raphaels From Gerard Dows And Zoffanies,

I Know The Croaking Chorus From The "Frogs" Of Aristophanes.

Then I Can Hum A Fugue Of Which I've Heard The Music's Din Afore,

And Whistle All The Airs From That Infernal Nonsense "Pinafore."

Then I Can Write A Washing Bill In Babylonic Cuneiform,

And Tell You Every Detail Of Caractacus's Uniform;

In Short, In Matters Vegetable, Animal And Mineral,

I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major-General.



In Fact, When I Know What Is Meant By "mamelon" And "ravelin,"

When I Can Tell At Sight A Mauser Rifle From A Javelin,

When Such Affairs As Sorties And Surprises I'm More Wary At,

And When I Know Precisely What Is Meant By Commissariat,

When I Have Learnt What Progress Has Been Made In Modern Gunnery,

When I Know More Of Tactics Than A Novice In A Nunnery;

In Short, When I've A Smattering Of Elemental Strategy,

You'll Say A Better Major-General Has Never Sat-a-gee.



For My Military Knowledge, Though I'm Plucky And Adventury,

Has Only