My New Driver's License Photo

Makes Me Look Like Quasimoto

And All My Clothes Are Styled For Me

By Minnesota Fats



The Diet Drink I Live On

Soon May Take The Place Of Decon

Heard It Killed 8-million Laboratory Rats



Every Night I Dream Of Ding Dongs

That Are Big Enough For King Kong

And Someday I May Just Be That Big Myself.



Stepped On The Scales, Put In A Dime

Card Came Out, Said "One At A Time"

I Tell Ya Friends, I Really Need Some Help



[chorus]

Cause I'm Fat

I Feel So Fat

The Bottoms Of My Feet

Are The Only Parts Of Me That's Flat

In A Society Where Thin Is In

And Lean Is Where It's At

Fat. Oh,hoo, Hoo Oo...Why Do I Have To Be So Fat?

You're So Fat [background Voices]



Started Workouts With Jane Fonda

When I Couldn't Get In My Honda

I's Determined I'd Turn All My Flab To Lean



I Would Hear Of Some New Diet

And I'd Run Right Out And Try It

Didn't Eat A Thing For Weeks That Wasn't Green.



Every Week Down At The Fat Club

I Would Proudly Stand Up

Tell My Weight Loss, And Give My Testimony



Lost 50 Pounds, I's Feeling Great

Just Had One Drink To Celebrate

And Went Right Out And Ate

A French-fried Shetland Pony



[Chorus]




[begin Standup Comedy]:



Somebody Put A Bumber Sticker On My Car

Said Honk If You've Got Groceries



I's Just Standing On A Corner

And A Cop Came Over, And Asked Me To Break It Up



Evel Knievel Called

Wants To Jump Me



Earl Sheib Wouln't Paint Me

For Eighty-nine Ninety-five



Good Year Called

Wants Me To Join The Fleet

Cover The Next Superbowl



All The Chairs In My House Got Seatbelts