I've Been Married, And Married, And Often I've Sighed
"I'm Never A Bridesmaid, I'm Always A Bride"

I Never Divorced Them, I Hadn't The Heart
Yet Remember These Sweet Words, "`till Death Do Us Part"

I Married Many Men, A Ton Of Them
Because I Was Untrue To None Of Them
Because I Bumped Off Every One Of Them
To Keep My Love Alive

Sir Paul Was Frail, He Looked A Wreck To Me
At Night He Was A Horse's Neck To Me
So I Performed An Appendectomy
To Keep My Love Alive

Sir Thomas Had Insomnia, He Couldn't Sleep At Night
I Bought A Little Arsenic, He's Sleeping Now All Right

Sir Philip Played The Harp, I Cussed The Thing
I Crowned Him With His Harp To Bust The Thing
And Now He Plays Where Harps Are Just The Thing
To Keep My Love Alive
To Keep My Love Alive

(bridge)

I Thought Sir George Had Possibilities
But His Flirtations Made Me Ill At Ease
And When I'm Ill At Ease, I Kill At Ease
To Keep My Love Alive

Sir Charles Came From A Sanitorium
And Yelled For Drinks In My Emporium
I Mixed One Drink, He's In Memorium
To Keep My Love Alive

Sir Francis Was A Singing Bird, A Nightingale, That's Why
I Tossed Him Off My Balcony, To See If He, Could Fly

Sir Atherton Indulged In Fratricide,
He Killed His Dad And That Was Patricide
One Night I Stabbed Him By My Mattress-side
To Keep My Love Alive
To Keep My Love Alive
To Keep My Love Alive