When I Was Young And Just A Bad Little Kid,
My Momma Noticed Funny Things I Did.
Like Shootin' Puppies With A BB-Gun.
I'd Poison Guppies, And When I Was Done,
I'd Find A Pussy-cat And Bash In It's Head.
That's When My Momma Said...
(What Did She Say?)
She Said My Boy I Think Someday
You'll Find A Way
To Make Your Natural Tendencies Pay...

You'll Be A Dentist.
You Have A Talent For Causing Things Pain!
Son, Be A Dentist.
People Will Pay You To Be Inhumane!

You're Temperment's Wrong For The Priesthood,
And Teaching Would Suit You Still Less.
Son, Be A Dentist.
You'll Be A Success.

"Here He Is Folks, The Leader Of The Plaque."
"Watch Him Suck Up That Gas. Oh My God!"
"He's A Dentist And He'll Never Ever Be Any Good."
"Who Wants Their Teeth Done By The Marqui DeSade?"

"Oh, That Hurts! Wait! I'm Not Numb!"
"Eh, Shut Up! Open Wide! Here I Come!"

I Am Your Dentist.
And I Enjoy The Career That I Picked.
I'm Your Dentist.
And I Get Off On The Pain I Inflict!

I Thrill When I Drill A Bicuspid.
It's Swell, Though Then Tell Me I'm Mal-adjusted.

And Though It May Cause My Patients Distress.
Somewhere...Somewhere In Heaven Above Me...
I Know...I Know That My Momma's Proud Of Me.
"Oh, Momma..."

'Cause I'm A Dentist...
And A Success!

"Say Ahh..."
"Say AHhhh..."
"Say AAARRRHHHH!!!"
"Now Spit!"