September 1st, 1989
Dear Diary
I Think I′m A Good PersonI Believe There's Good In Everyone
But Here We Are, First Day Of Senior Year
I See These Kids I′ve Known All My Life And Wonder
What Happened?

Freak! Slut!
Burnout! Bug-eyes!
Poser! Lard-ass!

We Were So Tiny
Happy And Shiny
Playing Tag And Getting Chased

Freak! Slut!
Loser! Short Bus!

Singing And Clapping
Laughing And Napping
Baking Cookies, Eating Paste

Bull-dyke! Stuck-up!
Hunchback!

Then We Got Bigger
That Was The Trigger
Like The Huns Invading Rome
Move!
Sorry!

Welcome To My School, This Ain't No High School
This Is The Thunderdome
Hold Your Breath And Count The Days
We're Graduating Soon
White Trash
College Will Be Paradise
If I′m Not Dead By June

But I Know, I Know
Life Can Be Beautiful
I Pray, I Pray
For A Better Way
If We Changed Back Then
We Could Change Again
We Can Be Beautiful
Ow!
Just Not Today

Hey, Are You Okay?
Get Away, Nerd!
Freak! Slut! Cripple!
Homo! Homo! Homo!

Things Will Get Better
Soon As My Letter
Comes From Harvard, Duke, Or Brown
Wake From This Coma
Take My Diploma
Then I Can Blow This Town

Dream Of Ivy-covered Walls
And Smoky French Cafés
Watch This!
Fight The Urge To Strike A Match
And Set This Dump Ablaze
Oops

Ram Sweeney
Third Year As Linebacker
And Eighth Year Of Smacking Lunch Trays
And Being A Huge Dick
What Did You Say To Me, Skank?
Nothing!

But I Know, I Know
Life Can Be Beautiful
I Pray, I Pray
For A Better Way
We Were Kind Before
We Can Be Kind Once More
We Can Be Beautiful (beautiful)

Aagh!
Hey, Martha
Hey!

Martha Dunnstock, My Best Friend Since Diapers
She′s Got A Huge Heart
'Round Here, That′s Not Enough
Thanks

We On For Movie Night?
You're On Jiffy Pop Detail
I Rented ′The Princess Bride'
Again? Don′t You Have It Memorised By Now?
What Can I Say?
I'm A Sucker For A Happy Ending

Martha Dumptruck
If You Wanna Lose A Few Pounds
You Need More Protein In Your Diet

Kurt Kelly, Quarterback
He Is The Smartest Guy On The Football Team
Which Is Kind Of Like Being The Tallest Dwarf
What Is Wrong With You?

I'm Sorry, Are You Actually Talking To Me?
My Buddy Kurt Asked You A Question
What Gives You The Right To Pick On My Friend?
Look At You
You′re A High School Has-been Waiting To Happen
A Future Gas Station Attendant
You Got A Zit Right There

Dear Diary
Why?
Why Do They Hate Me?
Why Don′t I Fight Back?
Why Do I Act Like Such A Creep?
Why?
Why Won't He Date Me?
Why Did I Wear This?
Why Do I Cry Myself To Sleep?
Why?

Somebody Hug Me
Somebody Fix Me
Somebody Save Me
Send Me A Sign, God
Give Me Some Hope, Here
Something To Live For

Ah, Heather, Heather, And Heather
Then There′s The Heathers
They Float Above It All
I Love Heather, Heather, And Heather

(I Hate Heather, Heather, And Heather)
Heather McNamara, Head Cheerleader
Her Dad's Loaded, He Sells Engagement Rings
(I Want Heather, Heather, And Heather)
Heather Duke, Runs The Yearbook
No Discernible Personality, But Her Mom Did Pay For Implants
(I Need Heather, Heather)
And Heather Chandler, The Almighty
She Is A Mythic Bitch

The Heathers Are Solid Teflon
Never Bothered, Never Harassed
I Would Give Anything To Be Like That

I′d Like To Be Their Boyfriend
That Would Be Beautiful
If I Sat At Their Table, Guys Would Notice Me
So Beautiful
I'd Like Them To Be Nicer
That Would Be Beautiful
I′d Like To Kidnap A Heather
And Photograph Her Naked In An Abandoned Warehouse
And Leave Her Tied Up For The Rats

Grow Up, Heather, Bulimia Is So '87
Heather, I Need A Mint
What You Need, Heather, Is To See A Doctor

Ah, Heather And Heather
And Heather
Perhaps You Didn't Hear The Bell Over All The Vomiting
You′re Late For Class

Heather Wasn′t Feeling Well, We're Helping Her
Not Without A Hall Pass You′re Not, Aweek's Detention
What? No Way, That′s Not Fair
But I've Got Cheerleader Practice (my Parents Pay Your Salary)

Actually, Ms. Fleming
All Four Of Us Are Out On A Hall Pass
Yearbook Committee
I See You′re All Listed
Hurry Up And Get Where You're Going

This Is An Excellent Forgery
Who Are You?
Veronica Sawyer
I Crave A Boon
What Boon?

Let Me Sit At Your Table, At Lunch, Just Once
No Talking Necessary
If People Think You Guys Tolerate Me
They'll Leave Me Alone
Before You Answer
I Also Do Report Cards, Permission Slips, And Absence Notes

How About Prescriptions?
Shut Up, Heather
Sorry, Heather

For A Greasy Little Nobody
You Do Have Good Bone Structure
And A Symmetrical Face
If I Took A Meat Cleaver Down The Centre Of Your Skull
I′d Have Matching Halves
That′s Very Important
Of Course, You Could Stand To Lose A Few Pounds

And You Know, You Know, You Know?
This Could Be Beautiful
Mascara, Maybe Some Lip Gloss
And We're On Our Way

Get This Girl Some Blush
And Heather, I Need Your Brush
Let′s Make Her Beautiful
Let's Make Her Beautiful
Let′s Make Her Beautiful
Make Her Beautiful
Okay?
Okay!

Out Of My Way, Geek
I Don't Want Trouble
You′re Gonna Die At 3 P.m.
Don't You Dare Touch Me
Get Away, Pervert
What Did I Ever Do To Them?

Who Could Survive This?
I Can't Escape This
I Think I′m Dying
Who′s That With Heather?
Whoa

Heather, Heather, Heather
And Someone
Heather, Heather, Heather
And A Babe
Heather, Heather, Heather
Veronica?
Veronica? Veronica? Veronica!

And You Know, You Know, You Know
Life Can Be Beautiful
You Hope, You Dream, You Pray
And You Get Your Way
Ask Me How It Feels
Looking Like Hell On Wheels

My God, It's Beautiful (beautiful)
I Might Be Beautiful (beautiful)
And When You′re Beautiful
It's A Beautiful Frickin′ Day
(Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica!)
Yeah-eah-eah
(Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica!)

Veronica! Veronica! Veronica!
Veronica!