Oh Lighten Up, Where's Your Sense Of Humor
They're Just Tiny Little Rumors
That I Started 'cause I'm Lookin' Out For You
Oh Settle Down, I'm Just A Little Jealous
And I'm Sure Those Other Fellas
Never Once Believed The Lies I Told Were True

Like The Time I Told That Cowboy That You Used To Be A Man
And The Doctor You Were Datin' That You Hide Your Wedding Band
Even If I Am Responsible For Scaring Them Away
You Really Ought To Thank Me, I Was Doin' You A Favor
'Cause It Never Woulda Worked Out Anyway

Oh Can't You See, The Reason That I'm Doin'
All The Crazy Things I'm Doin'
Is Because I Really Care About You Girl
And I'll Admit I Go A Little Farther
Than I Know I Probably Oughta
But It's All Because I Need You In My World

Like The Time I Told That Lawyer That You Spent A Year In Jail
And The Salesman You Were Seein' You Hang Out At Cheap Motels
Even If I Am Responsible For Scaring Them Away
You Really Ought To Thank Me, I Was Doin' You A Favor
'Cause It Never Woulda Worked Out Anyway

I Can't Stand The Thought Of You With Anybody Else
I Know I've Gone Overboard But I Can't Help Myself

Like The Time I Told That Dentist You Had Seven Little Kids
And You Doubled As A Dancer At The Strip Joint On The Ridge
Even If I Am Responsible For Scaring Him Away
You Really Ought To Thank Me, I Was Doin' You A Favor
'Cause It Never Woulda Worked Out Anyway

It's All Because I Love You And I Can't Stop Thinkin' Of You
And It Never Woulda Worked Out Anyway