I Always Thought My Movie
Would Be A Comedy
Not Quite The Tragedy That Its Become
More Slapstick Than Chickflick
More Caddyshack Than Breakfast At Tiffany's
So, Thank Me At The Podium
For A Lifetime Of Contribution
Turn On The Cameras
Someone Cue The Extras
Hair And Makeup To The Set

Because The Big Screen's Callin
Final Casting Call
Its Your Big Shot Baby Your The Next Big Star
On Another Stupid Movie
'bout A Guy With A Broken Heart
Is Fallin Apart
Your Headed For The Cutting Room Floor
And In The Sequel Honey
I'm The Guy Who Gets The Girl

So If You Miss My Movie
Get The DVD
Check Out The Chemistry
Between You And Me
Less 'Raising Arizona'
More 'Steel Magnolias'
So When You Walk Down That Red Carpet
I Hope You Trip And Fall
I Hope Someone Squirts You With A Watergun
A Super Soaker Filled With Pee

Because The Big Screen's Callin
Final Casting Call
Its Your Big Shot Baby Your The Next Big Star
On Another Stupid Movie
About A Guy With A Broken Heart
Is Fallin Apart
Your Headed For The Cutting Room Floor
And In The Sequel Honey
I'm The Guy Who Gets The Girl

All Apologies
To Kevin Costner
And That Chick From Monster
Give Me Adam Sandler,
Will Ferrell, Belushi And Even Val Kilmer
He Was Funny In 'Real Genius'

[Greg]
What About 'Top Gun'?
[Jaret]
No, 'Top Gun' Wasn't Funny
[Greg]
Whatever

Top Secret Was Funny Too

Because The Big Screen's Callin
Final Casting Call
Its Your Big Shot Baby Your The Next Big Star
On Another Stupid Movie
About A Guy With A Broken Heart
Is Fallin Apart
Your Headed For The Cutting Room Floor
And In The Sequel Honey
I'm The Guy Who Gets The Girl