I Was Waiting In Rosie′s Restaurant
When The Waiter Came Up And Said, "What Do You Want?"
I Looked At The Menu And It Looked So Nice'Til He Said, "Lemme Give You Some Advice"

He Said, "Spaghetti And Potatoes Got Too Much Starch
Pork Chops And Sausage Are Bad For Your Heart
There′s Hormones In Chicken And Beef And Veal
Bowl Of Ravioli Is A Dead Man's Meal

Bread Got Preservatives, There's Nitrites In Ham
Artificial Coloring In Jellies And Jam
Stay Away From Donuts, Run Away From Pie
Pepperoni Pizza Is A Sure Way To Die

Sugar Rots Your Teeth And Makes You Put On Weight
But Artificial Sweetener′s Got Cyclamates
Eggs Got Cholesterol, There′s Fat In Cheese
Coffee Ruins Your Kidneys And So Does Tea

Fish Got Mercury, Red Meat Is Poison
Salt's Gonna Send Your Blood Pressure Rising
Hot Dogs And Bologna Got Deadly Red Dyes
Vegetables And Fruits Are Sprayed With Pesticides"

(They′re Bad For You, That's You All)
(You Are What You Eat)

So I Said, "What Can I Eat That′s Gonna Make Me Last?"
He Said, "A Small Drink Of Water In A Sterilized Glass"
And Then He Stopped, And He Thought For A Minute
And Said, "Never Mind The Water, There's Carcinogenics In It"

So I Got Up From The Table And Walked Out In The Street
Realizing There Was Nothing I Could Eat
I Ain′t Eaten For A Month And I'm Feeling Fine
'Cause He Did Not Mention Beer, Or Whiskey, Or Women, And Sweet Red Wine