I Pounded On A Farmhouse

Lookin' For A Place To Stay.

I Was Mighty, Mighty Tired,

I Had Gone A Long, Long Way.

I Said, "Hey, Hey, In There,

Is There Anybody Home?"

I Was Standin' On The Steps

Feelin' Most Alone.

Well, Out Comes A Farmer,

He Must Have Thought That I Was Nuts.

He Immediately Looked At Me

And Stuck A Gun Into My Guts.



I Fell Down

To My Bended Knees,

Saying, "I Dig Farmers,

Don't Shoot Me, Please!"

He Cocked His Rifle

And Began To Shout,

"You're That Travelin' Salesman

That I Have Heard About."

I Said, "No! No! No!

I'm A Doctor And It's True,

I'm A Clean-cut Kid

And I Been To College, Too."



Then In Comes His Daughter

Whose Name Was Rita.

She Looked Like She Stepped Out Of

La Dolce Vita.

I Immediately Tried To Cool It

With Her Dad,

And Told Him What A

Nice, Pretty Farm He Had.

He Said, "What Do Doctors

Know About Farms, Pray Tell?"

I Said, "I Was Born

At The Bottom Of A Wishing Well."



Well, By The Dirt 'neath My Nails

I Guess He Knew I Wouldn't Lie.

"I Guess You're Tired,"

He Said, Kinda Sly.

I Said, "Yes, Ten Thousand Miles

Today I Drove."

He Said, "I Got A Bed For You

Underneath The Stove.

Just One Condition

And You Go To Sleep Right Now,

That You Don't Touch My Daughter

And In The Morning, Milk The Cow."



I Was Sleepin' Like A Rat

When I Heard Something Jerkin'.

There Stood Rita

Lookin' Just Like Tony Perkins.

She Said, "Would You Like To Take A Shower?

I'll Show You Up To The Door."

I Said, "Oh, No! No!

I've Been Through This Before."

I Knew I Had To Split

But I Didn't Know How,

When She Said,

"Would You Like To Take That Shower, Now?"



Well, I Couldn't Leave

Unless The Old Man Cha