I Was Riding On The Mayflower When I Thought I Spied Some Land

I Yelled Down To Captain Arab, I'll Have Ya Understand,

Who Came Running To The Deck And Said "Boys! Forget The Whale -

We're Goin' Over Yonder. Cut The Engines. Change The Sails."

"Haul On That Bowline!" We Sang That Melody,

Like All Tough Sailors Do When They're Far Away At Sea.



"I Think I'll Call It America." I Said As We Hit Land.

I Took A Deep Breath. I Fell Down, I Could Not Stand.

Captain Arab He Starting Writing Out Some Deeds

And Said "Let's Build Us A Fort And Start Buying The Place With Beads.”

Just Then A Cop Come Down The Street Crazy As A Loon

And Throws Us All In Jail For Carryin' Harpoons.



Aw, Me, I Busted Out - Don't Even Ask Me How,

I Went Lookin' For Some Help, I Walked Past A Guernsey Cow

Who Directed Me Down To The Bowery Slums

Where People Carried Signs Around Sayin' "BAN THE BUMS!".

I Jumped Right In Line, Sayin' "I Hope That I'm Not Late"

When I Realized I Hadn't Eaten For Five Days Straight.



I Went Into A Restaurant Lookin' For The Cook -

I Told Him I Was The Editor Of A Famous Etiquette Book.

The Waiter He Was Handsome And He Wore A Powder Blue Cape.

I Ordered Up Some Suzette, I Said "Could You Please Make That Crepe?"

Just Then The Whole Kitchen Exploded From Boiling Fat -

Food Was Flyin' Everywhere - I Left Without My Hat.



I Didn't Mean To Be Nosey So I Went Into A Bank

To Try To Get Some Bail For The Boys Back In The Tank.

They Asked Me For Some Collateral And I Pulled Down My Pants.

They Threw Me In The Alley, When Up Comes This Girl From France

Who Invited Me To Her Place. I Went, But She Had A Friend

Who Knocked Me Out An' Robbed My Boots An' Was I On The Street Again.



I Went Up To A Big House With A U.S. Flag Upon Display.

I Said "Can You Please Help Me Out, I Got Some Friends Down The Way."

The Man Said "Get Out Of