GARY COLEMAN:

Right Now You Are Down And Out And Feeling Really Crappy.



NICKY:

I'll Say.



GARY COLEMAN:

And When I See How Sad You Are

It Sort Of Makes Me...

Happy!



NICKY:

Happy?!



GARY COLEMAN:

Sorry, Nicky, Human Nature-

Nothing I Can Do!

It's...

Schadenfreude!

Making Me Feel Glad That I'm Not You.



NICKY:

Well That's Not Very Nice, Gary!



GARY COLEMAN:

I Didn't Say It Was Nice! But Everybody Does It!



D'ja Ever Clap When A Waitress Falls And Drops A Tray Of Glasses?



NICKY:

Yeah...



GARY COLEMAN:

And Ain't It Fun To Watch Figure Skaters Falling On Their Asses?



NICKY:

Sure!



GARY COLEMAN:

And Don'tcha Feel All Warm And Cozy,

Watching People Out In The Rain!



NICKY:

You Bet!



GARY COLEMAN:

That's...



GARY AND NICKY:

Schadenfreude!



GARY COLEMAN:

People Taking Pleasure In Your Pain!



NICKY:

Oh, Schadenfreude, Huh?

What's That, Some Kinda Nazi Word?



GARY COLEMAN:

Yup! It's German For "happiness At The Misfortune Of Others!"



NICKY:

"Happiness At The Misfortune Of Others." That Is German!



Watching A Vegetarian Being Told She Just Ate Chicken



GARY COLEMAN:

Or Watching A Frat Boy Realize Just What He Put His Dick In!



NICKY:

Being On The Elevator When Somebody Shouts "Hold The Door!"



GARY AND NICKY:

"No!!!"

Schadenfreude!



GARY COLEMAN:

"Fuck You Lady, That's What Stairs Are For!"



NICKY:

Ooh, How About...

Straight-A Students Getting Bs?



GARY COLEMAN:

Exes Getting STDs!



NICKY:

Waking Doormen From Their Naps!



GARY COLEMAN:

Watching Tourists Reading Maps!



NICKY:

Football Players Getting Tackled!



GARY COLEMAN:

CEOs Getting Shac