LEAD PIRATE: Full speed ahead, Mr. Cohen! CHORUS: Up, up, up your premium. Up, up, up your premium. PIRATE: Scribble away! CHORUS: Up, up, up your premium. PIRATE: And balance the books. CHORUS: Up, up, up y.. Read »

All things dull and ugly, All creatures short and squat, All things rude and nasty, The Lord God made the lot. Each little snake that poisons, Each little wasp that stings, He made their brutish venom. He made their ho.. Read »

Some things in life are bad They can really make you mad Other things just make you swear and curse When you're chewing on life's gristle Don't grumble, give a whistle And this'll help things turn out for the best... And... .. Read »

If you want to leave a message after the tone Then speak clearly and I'll call you when I'm home Just say your words and say your name Leave the time and date you called And I'll get back to you Unless you're comple.. Read »

PROF. JONES: Good evening. One of the main elements in any assessment of the medieval open-field farming system is the availability of plough teams for the winter plowing. Professor Tofts of the University of Manchester puts .. Read »

Bravely bold Sir Robin Rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, Oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid To be killed in nasty ways. Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not in the least bit scar.. Read »

Brian. The babe they called 'Brian', He grew,... grew, grew, and grew-- Grew up to be-- grew up to be A boy called 'Brian'-- A boy called 'Brian'. He had arms... and legs... and hands... and feet, This boy... whose name.. Read »

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant Who was very rarely stable. Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar Who could think you under the table. David Hume could out-consume Schopenhauer and Hegel, And Wittgenstein was a b.. Read »

We're Knights of the Round Table. We dance whene'er we're able. We do routines and chorus scenes With footwork impeccable. We dine well here in Camelot. We eat ham and jam and spam a lot. We're Knights of the Round Tabl.. Read »

TONY BENNETT: It's Christmas in Heaven. All the children sing. It's Christmas in Heaven. Hark. Hark. Those church bells ring. It's Christmas in Heaven. The snow falls from the sky, But it's nice and warm, and e.. Read »