I Make A Date For Golf -
You Can Bet You Life It Rains.
I Try To Give A Party -
And The Guy Upstairs Complains.
I Guess I'll Go Thru Life;
Just Catchin' Colds And Missin' Trains,
Ev'rything Happens To Me.

I Never Miss A Thing -
I've Had Measles And The Mumps.
And Ev'ry Time I Play My Ace -
My Partner Always Trumps.
I Guess I'm Just A Fool;
Who Never Looks Before He Jumps,
Ev'rything Happens To Me.

At First My Heart Tho't;
You Could Break This Jinx For Me.
That Love Would Turn The Trick;
To End My Despair.
But Now, I Just Can't Fool;
This Head That Thinks For Me.
I've Mortgaged All My Castles In The Air.

I've Telegraphed And Called;
I Sent "Air Mail Special", Too;
You Answer Was Goodbye -
And There Was Even Postage Due.
I Fell In Love Just Once;
And Then It Had To Be With You,
Ev'rything Happens To Me.